Complicated grief and losing a parent

Parent-child relationships are often strained and fraught with conflict, sometimes to the point where you become estranged from a parent for years. Despite this, it is common to still experience distress after their death. You may feel a deeper grief than you expected to feel for their passing, or you may not feel much grief but struggle with a feeling of guilt.

Relief and guilt

If you had a complicated relationship with your parent, it is normal for you to feel a sense of relief that one source of tension and conflict has ended but guilt over that relief.

Grieving the parent vs. grieving what could have been

Often children in complicated grief struggle to distinguish between grieving your parent and grieving what the relationship could have been.

You may be experiencing both emotions: grief for the parent and grief for the parent you never had.

Coping with other people who are grieving

Isolation during this time is common for estranged children, as others are saddened by a parents passing and this may be difficult to process.

There are many strategies to cope with the passing of an estranged parent such as:

• Write a letter you are never going to send telling your parent how you feel.

• Create a thought box and put your thoughts into it as they come up and then once full, get rid of them in a ritualistic way.

• Watch your self talk and talk to yourself as a best friend would.

If you feel stuck in your grief, please make an appointment to help you move through your grief and loss in a healthy way,

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