Eliminating children's negative self-talk

All of us as humans struggle with negative self-talk. That little voice in our head that tells us we “can’t do this”, we are “not good at it”, we are not “as good as everyone else”. As humans, we listen to ourselves far more than anyone else so we need to learn to become our own best friend and speak to ourselves the way we would speak to them.

When a student comes into my room, I am always saddened when I hear young children criticising themselves, having already decided that they are a certain kind of person and that can’t change. Negative self-talk is like honey, it spreads everywhere and is difficult to contain. Telling your child to “think positively” doesn’t really help. It is hard to go from “I am bad at spelling” to “I am a good speller” when they know that they aren’t.

There is a simple three step process to follow when you hear your child using negative self-talk. It is time consuming, but if followed will pay dividends in helping your child to see a positive view of themselves. Tt is as follows:

1. To start, identify any negative self-talk that you'd like to change. For example, you want your child to change their opinion about their ability at a certain subject.

2. Next, think of a positive way to change this thought process. Be specific in your language. “I like the way you are trying even if you are finding it hard”.

3. Then, use the new, positive thoughts to create simple, positive affirmations that your child can repeat Like “I persevere when things get tough”, “I am good at facing challenges”. Encourage your child to practice these affirmations at least daily. Saying them into the mirror can make them especially powerful, and you can help by repeating them again to your child at bedtime.

Negative self-talk can really hinder a child to progress and learn. They become stuck in their belief of themselves and it takes a lot to shift that belief. Try to nip it in the bud now, whilst they are still young enough to change their opinion.

If you feel that your child’s negative self-talk has reached the level of needing additional support, please contact kmrcounselling@gmail.com.

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