When life doesn't go our way

When trauma happens, it is very easy to go down a rabbit hole of despair. There are a few tricks to use when we realise that this is what we are doing. The following 5 tips and tricks will help you to stop this spiral into doom and gloom and recognise how to change it.

1. Practice thoughts like butterflies. With this technique, you see each negative thought around a situation as a butterfly. The thought flies in, lands for a few seconds and then flies away. The thoughts are not engaged with, questioned, analysed or ruminated over. All you say is "there's that thought again" and it flies away. Thoughts only have power when we engage with them.

2. Avoid using permanent language. Using "always" and "never" tells ourselves that this is always the case, bad things, bad people, bad situations "always" happen. Learning to use temporary language, such as "sometimes", "at the moment" or "right now" enables us to view the trauma as temporary.

3. The story of my life. Think about the narrative you are telling yourself. What's the story here. Think about the story and , like any good story, write it in a way that helps rather than punishes or upsets you.

4. Is it true? These three little words can be a magical way to rethink what is happening. Ask yourself "is it true" what I am saying about or to myself. Collect evidence for and against and you will find that often what we say to ourselves in times of struggle, isn't actually true.

5. My own best friend. Learn to be your own best friend. Think about what you would say to a best friend that was going through something like this and learn to say that to yourself. You live in your head, you listen to yourself far more than anyone else, learn to be kind and supportive.

Hopefully these tricks and tips will allow you to manage whatever you are struggling with at the moment.

If you feel you need help with managing, please contact us on 0430016871.

Karen Rushbrook

Counsellor.

Learn to be your own best friend in moments of despair