Catch what you say to your child before harm is done

Reframing our language around children.

When you are trying to discipline your child, it is always good to remind yourself that your voice becomes their inner voice. Your criticisms become their internal narrative and shape how they see the world and their place in it.

You tell a child they are bossy, they will believe they are bossy. You are lazy becomes their inner narrative and guides their behavior. It is a really good idea to reframe what you are saying to your child and try to put a positive spin on it. Children after all live up to our expectations of them. You tell your child every day that they are “lazy” and you will have a lazy child.

To reframe, look at the following table to help you understand how to change words to be more positive. It might seem like a subtle change, but it can make a world of difference:

Shy Takes you time to know people Wild energetic

Quiet Thoughtful, Considerate Dramatic expressive

Annoying Want to be heard Messy creative

Demanding assertive Picky selective

Wild energetic Quiet Thoughtful, Considerate

Dramatic expressive Restless active.

But why? I hear you ask. The reason is simple, for every negative trait that gets given to your child, it takes a 100 positives for that to change. Words you use with your child now become their inner critical voice and that can take years to get rid of. As adults, we all have memories of what our parents said to us and those words have followed us our entire life. Reframing negative traits in our children will allow them to grow up believing in themselves and the world around them. When we criticize our child we leave them open to be criticized by others and to be critical of themselves and that can damage their self-esteem.

If you believe your child is struggling with their self-esteem, please feel free to contact kmrcounselling for a discussion around what can be done to help.

Karen Rushbrook - kmrcounselling

Your criticisms become their internal narrative and shape how they see the world and their place in it