Creating confident adults

Our children are the lights of our lives. We all start off as parents envisioning nothing but success, love and happiness for them. However, these dreams do not always get realised because they are not getting the important things they need to become disciplined, mature and motivated adults. The following are six important parenting mistakes that can add to their troubles later on in life.

1. Ignore or minimize your child’s feelings. If your child is expressing sadness, anger or fear and you minimize what they feel you are essentially telling them what they feel is wrong.

2. Inconsistent rules.

Children live up or down to what we expect from them. Rules give them guidelines and boundaries to help them. If they have to find the boundaries themselves, it can lead to low self-esteem and problem behavior.

3. Make your child your friend. Never share all your worries, concerns and relationship problems with your child or ask their advice. You must show your children you can stand up to problems, face your challenges and handle life through all the stress and come out on the other side.

4. Showing no love to your spouse. If you never show affection and love to your partner/spouse in front of your child, the child does not develop a barometer for what love is or what it looks like.

5. Punish independence and separation. When we punish our children for growing up, we make them feel guilty for having normal developmental needs and desires, which often causes deep insecurity and rebellion. Allow them to take “safe” risks and be there to catch them if they fall.

6. Meddle in your child’s relationships. Directing every action your child takes in their relationships — from friends to teachers — inhibits their maturity. For example, if your child gets in trouble at school and you immediately rush to talk to the teacher to get them off the hook, or you are constantly telling your child how to be a friend, as your child grows she will struggle with relationships.

Encourage your child to problem solve with your guidance, encourage her to take her first steps to independence with your guidance and remember that we all need to make our own mistakes to learn

Karen Rushbrook

kmrcounselling