Helping children stuck in loss

What parents can do to help children with grief and loss.

People cope in all sorts of ways with grief and loss, and children are no exception to this. There are many different types of Loss, from family breakdown through to the passing of a loved one. Children will need to learn that loss, in its many forms, is a part of life and dealing with that realization is painful for everyone. Helping people cope with a loss can be hard, we want to help but we don’t know how. We find it difficult to find the words or may be worried about upsetting them. It is especially difficult to know how to help children and so I have put together some ways to help a child come to terms with their loss.

Talk honestly to a child but in a way that they will understand.

Make sure that your language is kid friendly and that children only know what is age appropriate.

Talk about the changes that are going to happen and include children in some of the decisions.

Tell the school and find out who the child can talk to if they get upset at school.

Let your child know that despite the loss, they are safe and secure.

Create new traditions that celebrate the ways thinks are now, but also remembering the good things about the past.

Focus on being solution focused rather than problem focused.

Remind children that it is not their fault and no-one is to blame.

Read bedtimes stories that deal with grief and loss.

Normalise their grief and show emotions so that they feel able to do the same.

Accept that children often don’t know why they are upset, so try to use “what can I do ” or “how can I help” rather than search for a reason.

Most importantly, be guided by your child. Check-in with them regularly to see if there is anything they need. Remember that a child’s needs change as they move forward through their grief. What they need now will change as time moves on. Make sure that your child laughs and has joyful moments in their lives. This does not mean that they don’t care or that they have forgotten, it means that they can move forward and compartmentalise their loss.

If you feel you or your child is stuck in their grief, please get extra support as needed. Sometimes we are so over whelmed by our own grief, that an expert needs to step in to help us help our children. Sometimes, children cannot talk to those closest to them for fear of upsetting them, so an extra pair of ears is a good idea.

If you need more support for you or your child, please message kmrcounselling@gmail.com.

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