When your child has problems at school

A good relationship with your child’s teacher and school is a great starting point for handling any problems that come up at school.

You can lay the groundwork for a good parent-teacher relationship by introducing yourself and getting to know your child’s teacher as early as possible. Communicating and building relationships with your child’s teacher is better than having contact with the teacher only when there is a problem.

Good parent-teacher relationships mean children:

• do better academically, emotionally and socially

• are happier at school

• attend school more regularly

• are better behaved.

  
  

How to approach school problems with teachers

When you need to talk with teachers about problems, a calm and positive approach is likely to get a positive outcome for your child. Here’s what is best practice:

Pause and calm down If something has just happened to upset your child, this can upset you too. Try to take some time to calm down before you do anything. This will model being calm about the problem for your child.

Problem solve with your child Even with a serious problem, you can model positive problem-solving for your child by being positive, thinking about solutions and talking about working with the teacher.

Speak respectfully No matter what you think, it’s important to speak positively and respectfully about your child’s teacher, the school and other children in front of your child. If you complain or criticise the teacher or other children and their families, your child will do the same. Remember what is being modelled for your child and save the criticism for private.

Avoid defensiveness When there are problems, people sometimes feel defensive. For example, if either you or the teacher feels criticised, you could both end up feeling defensive.

Defensiveness can get in the way of problem-solving, so it’s good to try seeing the teacher’s perspective and to help the teacher see your perspective too.

Lost in translation

Always try and remember that situations and comments get lost in translation. We hear things with our own emotional content when heard second or third time.

Remember that the school is on your side. There may be occasions where there is a disagreement between yourself and a teacher, but criticising the school and teachers in front of your child is only going to impact on your child’s happiness and learning at school. It is fair enough to not like something that has happened at school but this is “adult stuff” and not for little ears to hear.

A good relationship with your child’s teacher and school is a great starting point for handling any problems that come up at school