The joy of arguing

One of the most common stressors for couples that come into my room is arguments and how to have effective ones. Of course arguments are a necessary part of life. They can actually help resolve big issues, but not if you approach them with a “winning” mentality, and not if you start them over the smallest things.

Here are some tips to help solve arguments rather than win them.

Pay attention to the pace and rhythm of the conversation. When the pace accelerates and the pauses between your speaking and your listening deteriorate, you need to take break. When you notice this happening, consciously slow the speed of the conversation down.

If an interaction is moving into Escalation, press the STOP button. Create some distance from it, even for a minute or two. Tell the other person you need to go to the bathroom, get some air or water. It takes the heat out of the situation and gives you time to regain some calm.

When you notice you are playing the blame game STOP. Ask yourself what’s needed rather than looking to prove why you’re right. Placing more value on being right, rather than on being happy creates resentment in a relationship.

Put on your big ears and practice active listening. learn to repeat back what was said so that the other person feels heard. Wind the conversation back to check that you’re both clear about what’s being discussed and that you understand each other.

When you are both arguing more that you do anything else, it is time to get some help with communication. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship.

Please get in touch with us to arrange a discussion around your needs,

kmrcounselling.

Communication is the key to a lasting relationship